104.) SOME FUNNY JOKES = ALGUNOS CHISTES GRACIOSOS

             



    "Laughing is good for your health"








1.)"Looking for a wife"= Buscando una esposa
Fred is 32 years old and he´s 1.) still single. One day a friend asked him, "Why aren´t you married?
Can´t you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred 2.) replied, 3.) "Actually, I´ve found a lot of women that I have wanted to marry, but when I 4.) bring
them home to 5.) meet my parents, my mother doesn´t like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I have the perfect solution, 6.) just find a girl who´s 7.) just like
your mother."
A few months later they meet again to 8.) have a drink and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl?
Did your mother like her?"
With a 9.) frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She is just like my mother.
You 10.) were right, my mother liked her very much."
Fred´s friend asked, "Then what´s the problem?"
Fred answered, "My father doesn´t like her."

Vocabulary
1. Still single = todavía soltero
2. Replied = contestó
3. Actually  = en realidad
4. Bring  = traer
5. Meet  = conocer
6. Just  = simplemente
7. Just like = igual como
8. Have a drink  = tomar una copa
9. Frown = ceño fruncido
10. Were right  = tenías razón

2.) "The first three years of marriage"
- In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens
- In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks and the man listens
- In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen

Vovabulary
Marriage  = matrimonio
Neighbors  = vecinos

3.) A 1.) wealthy man was having an 2.) affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night,
during one of their 3.) rendezvous, she told him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to 4.) ruin his reputation or marriage, he paid her a 5.) large sum of money if she 6.) would go to Italy to have her 7.) child.

If she 8.) stayed in Italy, he 9.) would provide child 10.) support until the child was 18 years old.
The woman 11.) agreed, but 12.) wondered how he would know when the baby was born.
To 13.) keep it discrete, he told her to send him a 14.) postcard and write "SPAGHETTI" 15.) on the back. He 16. would arrange to send her the money.

One day, about nine months later, the man came home to his confused wife.
17.) "Honey", she said, you received a very strange postcard today".
"Oh, give it to me and I´ll explain later," he said.
The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, 18.) turned white, and 19.) fainted.
On the card was written - "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti".
"Two with 20.) meatballs, one 21.) without."

Vocabulary
1. Wealthy  = rico
2. Affair  = lío
3. rendezvous = encuentro
4. Ruin = arruinar
5. Large sum = gran cantidad
6. Would go = iría
7. Child = hijo
8. Stayed = quedaba
9. Would provide  = proporcionaría
10. Support = mantención
11. Agreed = estaba de acuerdo
12. Wondered = se preguntaba
13. Keep  = mantenerlo
14. Postcard  = postal
15. On the back = en el dorso
16. Would arrange = se encargaría
17. Honey  = cariño
18. Turned = se puso
19. Fainted  = desmayó
20. Meatballs  = albóndigas
21. Without  = sin

4.)Why do 1.) black widow spiders kill their 2.) males after 3.) mating?
- To stop the 4.) snoring before it starts
Vocabulary:
1. Black widow spider = la viuda negra araña
2. Males  = machos
3. Mating = apareamiento
4. Snoring  = ronquido

5.)What did God say after he created man?
- I can do better = mejor


6.)What has eight arms and an IQ = (coeficiente de inteligencia) of 60?
- Four guys = (tíos) watching a football game

7.) 1.) Attending a 2.) wedding for the first time, a little girl 3.) whispered to her mother,
"Why is the 4.) bride 5.) dressed in white?"
 "Because white is the color of 6.) happiness and today is the happiest day of her life,
her mother tried to explain, 7.) keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment and then asked, "So why is the 8.) groom wearing black?

Vocabulary:
1. Attending  = asistiendo
2. Wedding = boda
3. Whispered = susurró
4. Bride  = novia
5. Dressed  = vestida
6. Happiness  = felicidad
7. Keeping it simple  = no complicarse
8. Groom  = novio


8.) A Genie Joke = Un chiste del Genio
A woman is walking 1.) along the beach when she finds an old oil lamp. She 2.) picks it up and 3.) rubs it: and out comes a Genie.
The Genie says to the woman, "Thank you for 4.) freeing me from the lamp. I will 5.) grant you three 6.) wishes, but 7.) whatever you wish for, your horrible ex-husband will get 8.) twice as much. What is your first wish?"
The woman says, "I´d like a million dollars in my bank account," please.
The Genie says, "you now have a million dollars in your account, and your ex-husband now has two million"
What is your second wish?
The woman says, "I´ve always wanted a nice car. I´d like a 9.) brand new Jaguar, please."
Ok, the Genie says. You now have a Jaguar in you garage, and your ex-husband has two new Jaguars.
"What´s your third wish?, the Genies asks her.
The woman thought 10.) for a while and then said:
"I´d like to 11.) remove one of my 12.) kidneys, please"

Vocabulary
1. Along = por
2. Picks it up = lo recoge
3. Rubs = lo frota
4. Freeing = liberando
5. Grant = concedo
6. Wishes = deseos
7. Whatever = cualquier
8. Twice as much  = el doble
9. Brand new = Nuevo flamante
10.For a while = durante un tiempo
11.Remove = quitar
12.Kidneys = riñones

 Source = fuente: funnyjokes.com


Here´s a great song by the Beatles; "All you need is love"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtS4ef0vqhU



Lyrics                                                 Translated by ajm
Love, Love, Love.                                   Amor, Amor, Amor
Love, Love, Love.                                      "        "        "
Love, Love, Love.                                      "        "        "
There's nothing you can                             No hay nada que puedes
do that can't be done.                                hacer que no puede ser echo
Nothing you can sing                                  Nada que puedes cantar
that can't be sung.                                     que no puede ser cantado
Nothing you can say but you                       Nada que puedes decir pero tu
can learn how to play the game.                 puedes aprender como jugar el juego.  
It's easy.                                                  Es fácil
Nothing you can make                               Nada que puedes hacer
that can't be made.                                   que no puede ser echo 
No one you can save                                 Nadie a quien puedes salvar
that can't be saved.                                   que no puede ser salvado
Nothing you can do but you can                  Nada que puedes hacer pero puedes
learn how to be you in time.                       aprender como ser tu con el tiempo
It's easy.                                                  Es fácil
All you need is love.                                  Lo único que necesitas es amor
All you need is love.                                  "            "           "
All you need is love, love.                          "            "           " 
Love is all you need.                                  El amor es todo lo que necesitas
All you need is love.                                   "                "          "
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.                           "                "          " 
Love is all you need.
Nothing you can know                                Nada que puedes saber 
that isn't known.                                        que no se sabe
Nothing you can see                                   Nada que puedes ver
that isn't shown.                                         que no se muestra
Nowhere you can be that                            En ninguna parte puedes ser que 
isn't where you're meant to be.                   no es donde se supone que debes estar
It's easy.                                                  Es fácil 
All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

All you need is love (All together, now!)
All you need is love. (Everybody!)
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need (love is all you need)
(love is all you need) (love is all you need) 
(love is all you need) 
Yesterday (love is all you need)
(love is all you need) (love is all you need)
Yee-hai!
Oh yeah!
love is all you need, love is all you need,
love is all you need, love is all you need,
oh yeah oh hell yea!
love is all you need 
love is all you need love is all you need.