139.) "FUNNY ONE-LINE JOKES IN ENGLISH AND COMMERCIALS"

"TIME TO LAUGH"

1- Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you´re an asshole
2- Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower
3- If at first you don´t succeed, then skydiving is not for you
4- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay...you´re ugly too
5- Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen
6- If you think nobody cares you´re alive, try missing a couple of payments
7. I used to be undecisive. Now, I´m not sure
8- I intend to live forever. So far so good
9- A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don´t need it
10-Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt
11-If sex is a pain in the ass, then you´re doing it all wrong
12-The last thing I want to do is hurt you....but it´s still on the list
13- A little boy asked his father; "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "I don´t know son, I´m still paying"
14- I didn´t say it was your fault.... I only said I was blaming you
15-Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason
16-Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship
17-A computer once beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kickboxing
18-I prayed to God for a Harley motorcycle, but I know God doesn´t work that way. So I stole one and asked God for forgiveness
19- Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat
20-Knowledge is power, and power corrupts.....so study hard and be evil
21- I thought I wanted a career...now it turns out I just want paychecks
22. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
23.Why don´t blind people go skydiving? Because it scares the shit out of the dog


Source: Funny jokes.com
Here´s a funny commercial in English called "Do you speak English"?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSkgWYXJxJU

Here´s another funny commercial
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQPpjLsvg0g

And here are 10 very funny commercials
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT0ReOjS_6s&feature=related